i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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