my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
