There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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