I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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