so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
