Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize