I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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