yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
