For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
