Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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