He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
