He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
