When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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