oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
