Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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