I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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