How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
