I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
