cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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