If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
