Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
