so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she told me i tasted like america
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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