it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
