I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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