she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
my liver is dry heaving
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize