Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize