i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
