dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
