I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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