She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
