My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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