I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My ATM looks so different sober.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
