Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i want to swaddle you in tequila
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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