Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize