in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
