dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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