Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
