Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
