i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
