You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
