i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
