broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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