I wanna passion pit in your ass
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
