I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
