I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
