you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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