I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
