our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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