He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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