Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
