Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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