Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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