i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
