Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lo siento on account of my penis...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
