his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
