I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
