would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
