i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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