Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
