Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
