she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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