I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone signed my nipple.
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