And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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