I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
