Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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