I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
