He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
