god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
