Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
