I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
