38 yer olds are good kisserssss
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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